


I'm Gonna Be Your Bruise

by TheREALRedVans



Category: Rise - Fandom
Genre: Homophobia, Implied/Referenced Abuse, Internalized Homophobia, Jeremy is Frustrated as Heck, M/M, Simon get ur shit 2gether, Simon is in Denial, and for good reason
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-05-21
Updated: 2018-05-21
Packaged: 2019-05-09 17:29:48
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,332
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14720504
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/TheREALRedVans/pseuds/TheREALRedVans
Summary: Simon Saunders is Not having thoughts about Jeremy Travers. Totally not. No thoughts about how pretty he was, or how nice his lips had felt against his own in the parking lot. Which they were not talking about. Or going to talk about. Because there was nothing to talk about. Right?--Simon is in denial over his overwhelming gay thoughts, and Jeremy is determined to come out to his parents to prove how easy it is to Simon. Shit goes down I guess





	I'm Gonna Be Your Bruise

**Author's Note:**

> So, just so y'all know, I totally didn't proof read this. It's 2 am and I'm gay and crying help
> 
> If you wanna lemme know of any errors, Id appreciate it 200%!!
> 
> Also the writing in general sucks, I know it aight. I love Jeremy Travers and Simon Saunders and I'm gay for them both

He hurried out of class as quickly as he could, not stopping. He ran like he was being chased, and he was, in a way-but this was something he couldn’t escape. After all, how do you outrun your thoughts? His feet thudded on the pavement, and he knew his soles would be sore later, but that was the least of his worries at the moment. All things considering, it was a miracle that he was still standing. How could he? How could he ever look at a boy like that?

In the end, he did collapse, tripping over his own feet during his efforts to elude the images of Jeremy, Jeremy’s eyes, Jeremy’s nose, Jeremy’s smile...He lay there on the ground as they all caught up with him, and his heart contracted at the thoughts. Why was all he could think of the face of another boy? The feeling of that boy’s lips on his when they kissed in the parking lot, how sweet and warm he had been. His voice, his laugh, his eyes. His eyes, the ones that gave away his every thought, no matter how hard he tried to keep them in his own mind. 

Eventually, of course, someone had to be sent to go check on Simon. They couldn’t exactly just let a student run out of class, no matter how good of a student they may be. This would be fine, Simon could sweet talk himself out of anything if he really wanted. Unfortunately, the person they had sent to check on him just had to be the pretty boy he’d been attempting to avoid. Truth be told, Simon wasn’t too upset. It meant he got to look at that face, although it was upside down from the way he was looking at him at the moment. 

Jeremy sent Simon a confused look, raising an eyebrow and tilting his head, and it did such funny things to Simon’s heart. He couldn’t help but smile up at him from the hallway floor, his bag’s contents strewn across it at his side. The sandy-haired boy took a seat beside Simon, picking up some of his papers.

“Hey Simon, why are you on the ground? Why’d you run out of class?” Jeremy asked, glancing at random papers as he picked them up. His palm hovered over a bible that peeked out of the bag, before pushing it back in gently. He turned his gaze back to the brunette, waiting for an answer. What he saw was Simon staring at the ceiling, furrowing his brow. 

“I was thinking too much, I suppose. Oh, also I tripped over my own feet. That’s why I’m lying on the floor.” He glanced over a sent a small smile, and Jeremy melted every time Simon so much as looked at him, so that smile set him on fire. God, he was so far gone.

“What… What were you thinking about?” Jeremy asked, worried that he was about to overstep, but wanting so badly for Simon to let him in, to just trust him. Of course he wouldn’t, but Jeremy could hope.

Simon’s gaze hardened, and he was now glaring up. Jeremy had a feeling that the feelings weren’t aimed at him, but the change still made him flinch back. The brunette must have noticed, for he sat up abruptly, his harsh look turning apologetic. “I’ve just been… trying to figure some things out, I guess. These thoughts have just been plaguing my mind, and I can’t shake them! No matter what, I can’t sort them out.” His voice had grown louder during this, but grew soft again. “Maybe… maybe I’m not letting myself figure them out. Maybe I’m scared about what will happen if I do.” His gaze dropped to the floor, and Jeremy scooted closer. He leaned in front of Simon, attempting to catch his eye.

“Simon, what do you mean?”

The brunette took a glance into Jeremy’s clear blue eyes, filled with worry. He looked so beautiful all of the time, but he just couldn’t give into sin this easily. No, this was not how he was raised. He could fight this off. Simon Saunders was not a weak sinner. Not like… like…

“I’m sorry Jeremy, I can’t talk right now. Go bug someone else.” He stood abruptly, grabbing his bag and the few papers still left on the ground. He avoided looking at the blonde, who he was sure had hurt written all over his face. For someone who can act, he sure couldn’t dod it in day to day life.

Or maybe he just didn’t want to. Maybe he liked letting people know how he felt. He clearly had no problem doing it when it came to… 

Simon couldn’t finish he thought. It was harsh and terrible, and everything his father ever taught him to be. Would his father be proud at how well he was repressing this? How hard he’s fighting against every urge in his bones to have just leaned forward there and kissed Jeremy? To lay there for hours side by side, just talking and laughing, maybe even holding hands--

He already knew the answer. If he ever spoke of this to his father, surely he’d be slapped across the face and kicked to the curb. Controlling his urges meant nothing he shouldn’t have allowed himself to even ponder them in the first place. How could he? He’d already given into sin.

Realizing he’d been frozen to the spot, water forming in his eyes, he rushed away. He had to get away. The longer he stayed by that boy, the more likely he was to give in. He hadn’t realized how weak he was getting. How close he was to caving in.

He had better things to do right now. At the moment, he needed a nice quiet place to calm himself down. Simon considered just ditching, but he didn’t want to consider having to explain why he’d left to his parents. So for now, he darted into the closest bathroom and locked a stall.

 

Jeremy Travers had never been one to be left alone when trying to talk to someone. He had that kind of personality that seemed to make everyone feel comfortable around him. Everyone, it seemed, but Simon Saunders. The one person he really wanted - no, needed - to open up to him. The prettiest boy in school, his scene partner, the guy of his dreams. Why did he have to be the one person who couldn’t talk to him? It was so damn frustrating!

If there was any single thing in the world Jeremy could trade to get Simon to look at him in the eye without freaking out again, he’d give it in a heartbeat. He knew that here was something between them, he’d felt it the first time they rehearsed together. And then ten times more during their kiss in the parking lot. They had a connection, but Simon seemed so determined and desperate to ignore it.

Jeremy knew why, he wasn’t stupid. He’d just never worried too much, his family wasn’t like that. They weren’t super religious, they hadn't forced anything on him. So he supposed it was unfair to judge Simon so harshly for cracking under the pressure of his family. But surely he didn’t have to be such a dick about it. 

These thoughts of family gave Jeremy an idea. Maybe he needed to put himself in Simon’s shoes. Perhaps it was time to talk to his parents about his feelings. More specifically, his feelings for boys.

It was decided. That night, when he got home, he was going to tell them. In the meantime, he needed to go back to class. He supposed he’d tell the teacher that Simon had gotten sick if she asked, but he’d worry about that if it came up. He was an actor after all. 

He stood up, heading back to the classroom. He spared a glance back behind him, but Simon was nowhere in sight. Heaving a sigh, he continued on. This was the last class of the day, and he knew he wouldn’t have time in rehearsal to do it properly, so he began to mentally prepare for what he was going to do when he got home.

 

Rehearsal was fine, as always, but something was slightly off. Simon knew it was him and Jeremy, but he couldn’t exactly pinpoint it. He wasn’t an idiot, of course he knew that he’d been an ass, but this was something else. Jeremy wasn’t off in a guarded way, no, he was lost in thought. What could possibly be on his mind? His brows were furrowed, and he didn’t look too happy, a change from the Jeremy that he was used to. 

When they were offstage, Simon pulled him aside. The blonde was broken from his thoughts, and he clearly was shocked. He also looked… nervous?

“Hey, I know I’m not exactly the best person to be asking this, but… are you okay? You just seem really off.”

Jeremy rolled his eyes, unsurprisingly, letting out a huff. “Why do you care?” There was a hint of hurt hidden behind the tone of annoyance. Okay and yeah, it was totally deserved. Simon had to do something to help this. But what?

 

“I care about you, Jeremy, believe it or not. I thought we were friends?” He flinched as soon as he said the words, seeing the look it caused to form on the other’s face. He just looked, deeply sad.

The look quickly formed back into annoyance and determination. “Okay, fine. You want to know? I’m going to come out to my parents when I get home. I’ve been trying to find a reason, and thought maybe I could prove something to you-”

Simon cut him off. “Wait wait wait, prove what to me? What would coming out to your parents have to do with me?”

He received the most deadpan look in return. “Clearly, if I can do it, so can you. You wouldn’t have to hide anything anymore! I just want you to see that you don’t have to be scared! And even if they don’t accept you, everyone else will!”

Slowly, the brunette backed up. “No, no, I don't know what you’re talking about. I’m not… There’s no reason for me to be worried about that. I’m not…” He couldn’t continue, trailing off over and over, stammering over the words. Why was it so hard to make Jeremy believe him? Why was it so hard to say it?

“You don’t really believe that, do you?” He took a step closer to Simon, but their conversation was cut short by Jolene signaling that it was their scene. He backed up, glaring daggers at Simon, giving him the feeling that this conversation was not over. They didn’t really have anything else to talk about though, did they? He’d said what he’d needed to say, and figured out what was on Jeremy’s mind.

 

The next day, Simon got to school early. He couldn’t sleep that night, though that had absolutely nothing to do with the current condition of his and Jeremy’s not-relationship-not-friendship. What he didn’t expect when he arrived was Jeremy already being there, sitting outside wearing the same clothes as the day before. As he got closer, he could tell he was sobbing. Suddenly, all that mattered was Jeremy, Jeremy, Jeremy, as Simon rushed forward, kneeling in front of him. The sudden movement caused the other to jolt up, staring at Simon with red eyes that were clearly dried out from the tears that had left trails down his face.

His face. The next thing he noticed was the bruise on the side of Jeremy’s face. Simon felt his heart break in half. He must have noticed where Simon’s gaze had landed by the look of shock and horror on his face, because Jeremy gave a weak, pitifully sad smile. “I suppose they were more religious than I thought. I was gone before anyone had even touched their dinner.”

Simon was near tears himself, leaning towards Jeremy. He spread his arms, offering support. “May I?” he started, and Jeremy immediately took him up on the offer, lunging forward and crying into his shoulder. His entire body shook and Simon’s stomach felt like it had shrunken. It felt so tight, he couldn’t even breathe. “I’m so sorry Jer, this is totally my fault-”

Jeremy shook his head, arms wrapped around Simon weakly. “It was my idea, I needed to prove to you that it would be okay. I suppose all I’ve done is the opposite. I’m so stupid.” By now, he was hyperventilating, and Simon didn’t know what to do. He rubbed his back in a way he prayed was soothing, but maybe now wasn’t the right time for prayer. 

“No you’re not, shhh, no. You’re so brave Jer, and you’ve proven that. Way braver than I am.” Jeremy shook his head, but Simon shushed him again, whispering. “Yes you are, I’ve done nothing but refuse to even think about my own feelings, and here you are, just laying down your mind for others to see. I wish I could do that.” He paused, thinking to himself for a moment, before pulling back a bit from Jeremy. He gently touched the bruise on the other’s cheek, looking him in the eyes. His voiced lowered until it was barely audible. “Maybe I should start now.”

Jeremy’s eyes widened as Simon leaned in, lips a breath away from his, waiting for his consent. He left out a breathy laugh before closing the space. There were some huge issues in his life now, but the way that Simon Saunders’s lips pressed against his own was definitely not one of them. And in that moment, there was no regret.

Sure, there were things that needed to be dealt with now, but right then, he allowed himself to be pulled closer, feel their body pressed together, and it felt perfect.


End file.
